


I Don't Care If You Need to Stay Up (crying all night long)

by fencingfox



Series: This October Night [8]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fictober 2019, Inktober 2019, Kinktober 2019, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 11:20:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20947481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fencingfox/pseuds/fencingfox
Summary: In an AU where B'Elanna had to see the horrors of an alien battlefield, she finds herself barely contained. Good thing Tom is there to hold her together.





	I Don't Care If You Need to Stay Up (crying all night long)

**Author's Note:**

> "I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you."  
—Elizabeth Gilbert, _Eat, Pray, Love_

* * *

**| "Can you stay?" | stab wound | leather | frail |**

* * *

_The Dead_

* * *

B'Elanna nearly trips over the bleeding alien when it—she—lifts a hand toward her. She recovers quickly and whips out her tricorder to scan the alien. It isn't a medical tricorder but it can tell her basic information if she knows what to look for. And she does, years of sub-par supplies on _Liberty_ taught her that. 

The alien's body is covered in purple/green gashes. One eye is swollen and purple. The other is bloodshot. The look is eerie with her purple/green blood, like the holiday tinsel Neelix once haphazardly sprung on the crew for Saint Patrick's Day. He'd said the colors should bring luck. The tricorder beeps at her to tell her that the alien has a stab wound below her ribs under her armor. Even in the heavy leather gear, the woman looks frail. B'Elanna closes the tricorder. Without any supplies, there's nothing she can do. Apparently, the colors brought this alien none of Neelix's luck. 

"Please. Can you stay?" The woman grasps at B'Elanna's arm with a hand slimy and sticky with blood. She coughs a wet cough. Likely her lung is punctured. This isn't the first battleground B'Elanna's seen, but never has she been so close to someone so nearly dead. Before she'd stood, she had thought the woman had already passed into whatever space her species called the afterlife. B'Elanna nods as she kneels. She shouldn't stay. _Voyager_ is expecting to transport her out at the rendezvous point but she can't bring herself to leave the woman to die alone. If it was her laying there, she'd want someone to hold her hand as she traveled to Sto-Vo-Kor. 

"I'll stay." 

* * *

_And The Living_

* * *

B'Elanna opens her eyes with a jolt and tries chasing the memory out of her mind in the dim light of the stars. Their presence is comforting but it strikes her that any one of them could have already had their light snuffed. She could be seeing echoes. 

"B'Elanna?" Tom stirs and B'Elanna is reminded that she no longer sleeps alone. That if something should happen to her, people would actually mourn. She stifles a sob and turns into Tom's arms. She'd meant to tell him everything is fine and for him to go back to sleep, but right now she needs his protection. He seems to sense her vulnerability and shakes off some sleep grogginess. He shushes her even though she isn't crying...yet. His arm runs down her spinal ridges soothingly and he plants soft, undemanding kisses everywhere on her face that he can reach. She thinks about what she'd do if Tom died and she were left among the mortal stars alone. She starts to cry. It's too much. Her whole body shakes with the effort of crying but she hardly makes a noise. Something she'd read once comes to mind: the silent tears are the truest tears. She clutches Tom's nightshirt to her body, not caring that she's probably smearing snot and tears on it. She just needs him closer. She needs to know that he'll never leave her. 

Tom rolls them so she's on her back and alternates between kissing her eye lids and her nose. She's shuddering too violently for him to kiss her lips, but she desperately wants him to so she focuses on calmly breathing and reminding herself that Tom is _here_, very much alive. His warm weight on her is a reminder of that. 

* * *

_Find Comfort_

* * *

Finally, B'Elanna's tears stop shaking her frame. She still feels the knot in her throat, but if she thinks about it too hard, it will come back with a vengeance. She pulls Tom's lips to hers. He kisses back without question and she's beyond grateful. Their tongues mesh like this will be their last time to do so. It briefly crosses her mind that it could be. The Captain could order him away on a mission tomorrow that he never returns from. The Vidiians or the Hirogen or someone worse could find them and pluck his life from his body. Her hands snake under his shirt. His steady heartbeat reassures her. She breaks away to tug the shirt off of him and lets him pull her nightgown off as well. They press together, chest to chest, heart to heart, breath to breath and B'Elanna marvels at the astronomical coincidence of it all. 

If the Caretaker hadn't been dying...  
If he hadn't brought them here...  
If she'd turned Chakotay down those many years ago...  
If she'd finished the Academy...  
If she'd stayed with her mother... 

...she'd never have met Tom. 

She'd never have known how right it feels to be in his arms. Or seen how much he loves her in his eyes everyday, even when he was dog-tired from pulling double duties. She holds him to her chest and presses her head over his shoulder. 

"I love you." She doesn't say it enough. She needs to make amends. "I love you so much, Tom." Her voice threatens to break. "I'd be lost without you." He answers, sounding a little surprised by her effusive declaration of love and a little like he'd always known this about her. How could he know it when she is only just now realizing? 

"I love you too, B'Elanna." He pauses to kiss her ear. "To all the stars and back." She chokes on a sob. 

"Even the dead ones?" 

"Dead ones, live ones, black holes. All of them Be'. I love you." She wants to cry, or scream, or make love. She isn't sure which. She feels a tear roll down her cheek and pulls back to kiss Tom deeply. He needs to know how much he means to her. She flips them over easily by pushing on Tom's shoulder. She straddles his thighs and dips to kiss him everywhere: forehead, ears, neck, collarbone, arms, chest, nipples, stomach, hips. When she's kissed everything, she removes her panties, tugs his boxers down, and kisses around him there too. She settles onto him when he's hard enough for her and relaxes around his girth. She's stretched a little uncomfortably, but she felt such a rush to get here and such an emotional relief at welcoming him that she doesn't care. She slowly tips down to kiss him, keeping her hips firmly in place. When they break for air, she grabs Tom's hands and laces her fingers in his. They're propped up on his elbows, hanging in the air as handholds for her. She rocks her body back and forth, never taking her eyes from his face. She works him over without concern for herself. It feels good to give all of herself to him. It feels good to have him shoot up into her with a final thrust that leaves her shaken to the core. She unmounts him and curls to his side with her head on his chest. 

"I love you." She feels better. Like a weight has finally lifted. She doesn't worry about if it will come back. All that matters is it's gone and Tom's here. 

* * *

_While They Sleep_

* * *

B'Elanna doesn't let Tom return any 'favors'. She just wants to let him have something without asking anything in return. It isn't true exactly. She asks for a lot in return. His love for one. His life for another. Regardless, she falls asleep easily and doesn't dream again. 

She wakes up the next morning sticky but satisfied. Tom stirs as she shifts in his arms. He kisses the back of her neck. The emotions of last night seem to have left her alone for the time being. She might have that dream again, but at least she knows now that Tom's willing to comfort her how she wants to be comforted. 

"Good morning, Beautiful." It doesn't matter how many times B'Elanna hears him say it. She always blushes. It used to be because she didn't believe him, but now her cheeks color because she does. 

"I need to shower." He lifts his arm from her side. 

"Of course. Go ahead." B'Elanna gets up and gathers the elements of a uniform before stepping into the bathroom. When she returns a few minutes later, Tom is sitting on the bed sliding into his boots. He stands up when he has both boots on and goes to wrap his arms around her. He kisses her. His breath is fresh. He must have mints around. "Breakfast?" 

"Sure." He hesitates. 

"Is everything alright?" He talks in a low tone as if to avoid being overheard. 

"I'm fine. I was just a little...." How to describe it? "Emotional." 

"Emotional? Do you want to talk to me about it? Chakotay?" Naming the de facto counselor—even if he's her friend too—makes her wonder if he's worried she'll find dangerous holoprograms to use again. "The Doctor even?" She might stop by the Doctor's. She feels a little lightheaded. If she isn't better after breakfast, she'll see him. 

"I'm fine." She rises on her toes to kiss him chastely. "Let's go to breakfast." Neelix is serving Delta quadrant eggs in the messhall. They grab a table alone. Normally, the egg substitute is one of the few meals she can stomach, but this morning the smell is off. 

"Do they taste okay?" Tom wolfs down another bite while B'Elanna prods at hers. 

"Yes, why?" 

"I don't know. They smell funny to me." He makes a show of dipping to his plate to smell his eggs. B'Elanna smiles. 

"They smell fine to me." He stabs a forkful and brings it over for B'Elanna to smell. She makes a face. They smell the same as her own. He shrugs and brings the fork to his mouth. "Are you sure you're okay?" 

"No," she pushes her tray away. "I think I'll check with the Doctor before my shift." Tom nods. 

"Leave your tray, I'll eat it." He winks. "You've made me starved." She smiles half-heartedly back. She hopes she isn't sick. She isn't sure what else would make the eggs smell funny. When she was in the throes of depression, food only tasted different. It hadn't smelt different. The doors to Sick Bay open and the automatic lights kick in. She must be the first one in today. 

* * *

_...And Only The Living Wake Up_

* * *

"Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram." She walks over to a nearby biobed as she requests the Doctor's appearance. 

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency." 

"Hi Doctor," she pulls herself onto the bed. Is it just her or do her arms feel a tad weak? Maybe she is getting sick after all. "I'm feeling dizzy, and," she pauses, but decides to continue since no one else is here but the Doctor, "I was a bit emotional last night." The Doctor retrieves a medical tricorder and B'Elanna is reminded of that memory. The Doctor doesn't notice her stiffen. 

"Define emotional. Angry, sad, happy, joyful, isolated, depressed—" she stops him there. 

"Depressed. And lonely. And I just wanted—no needed—to be near Tom," she concludes with some likely misplaced embarrassment. The tricorder beeps over her body. The Doctor chuffs softly like a baby targ, presses a few buttons, runs a second scan, and then stows the sensor into the back of the tricorder. 

"Congratulations, you're pregnant." That explains the emotions. But it doesn't explain how it happened. 

"How?" 

"Why, by the birds and the bees," he says airily and maybe with a bit of longing. She looks quizzically at him. "The neighborhood's stork? A bit of the old in-out, in-out?" He speeds through another three. "The horizontal tango? Doing the deed? Dusting out the cobwebs?" Not a single one of those makes sense. The Doctor presses his fingers against his forehead. "You had sex," he states plainly. 

"Well, I _know_ that. But only with Tom. He's _human_." Maybe the Doctor just doesn't know humans and Klingons can't have children naturally. That's why she hadn't been in for a birth control booster in a month. But that's absurd to think he doesn't know. 

"And you're half-human. Your point?" He retrieves a hypospray and gestures with his wrist to ask for her assent. 

"What's that?" 

"Multivitamins. Until you decide one way or another." 

"I have a choice?" 

"Of course." He seems hurt. She doesn't know why. _He_ isn't the one finding out she's pregnant. Or he is. But it's not the same. He's not _her_. "Women of the Federation have had the choice for two centuries. I am programmed to support your decision either way. I am not required to tell Tom if that's what you're worried about." She shakes her head and changes the subject back. She isn't worried. Actually, she might be a little happy. She might want to meet her child one day. Maybe him or her could make her enough good memories to keep the bad at bay. 

"I'm not worried. I just don't understand. You should know that Klingons and humans can't conceive naturally." She lowers her voice out of embarrassment. She feels like she had at the Academy when she walked into the health clinic to first request her birth control. "I didn't think I needed my booster so long as I was with Tom." He gives her a look like a disapproving professor. 

"You might have asked me before you self-diagnosed. The fertility rate between half-Klingons with either species jumps dramatically." 

"Oh." 

"Do you have a decision?" Shouldn't she ask Tom? But then, she remembers how he looks at her when he thinks she isn't looking, how he winks when she catches him, and how he smiles when he calls her beautiful. He'd dropped a few times that he wanted kids, but she'd never responded with more than a 'that might be nice one day' and a trailing end that conveyed 'but not right now'. 

"I'll keep it." The Doctor grins. 

"Her. Her DNA is female." It's a _girl._ B'Elanna can't get out of there fast enough to tell Tom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're curious. These were my original notes on this story:
> 
> _"Can you stay?" | stab wound | leather | frail_  
_(there's this alien that's wounded and B'Elanna is asked to stay. She confides in Tom later about how the alien reminded her of herself or another maquis in the alpha quadrant?)_
> 
> This turned out way better than I could have expected.

**Author's Note:**

> These were my original notes on this story:
> 
> _"Can you stay?" | stab wound | leather | frail_   
_(there's this alien that's wounded and B'Elanna is asked to stay. She confides in Tom later about how the alien reminded her of herself or another maquis in the alpha quadrant?)_
> 
> This turned out way better than I could have expected.


End file.
